Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Sowen Sample Query

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, animals both domesticated and wild, please remember to turn your cell phones on when you leave.

So this is perhaps the fifth version of my query letter. I just put in the meat of the query. So let me know, dear reader, does it sound OK? Would you shell out your hard earned money to read it? Me neither!

Halloween: It’s a day for trick-or-treating, for costume parties, and for all things ghastly. For Christopher Sowen, it’s a day to celebrate his fourteenth birthday. It’s also a day for Chris to miss his Mom most because on this day, one year ago, Chris’s Mom died.

And it’s as if the whole Sowen family died with Mom. Maybe that’s why Chris has been so obsessed with ghost hunting. Maybe if he can contact Mom, she could tell him how to help his father Bill and his older sister Ashley move passed the tragedy.

On the anniversary of Mom’s death, Chris and his best friend Andy Shubblebodum visit the lake where Mom’s car sank and perform an Indian ritual in hopes of contacting Mom’s soul. The ritual is a failure, or so Chris thinks, until he starts having strange, out-of-body visions of his mother telling him he needs to go back to the lake to free her. Were they just dreams? Could Mom really have come back? Chris returns to the lake the following evening, only to find ...

...An ancient evil has tricked Chris into opening a portal into a terrifying world, unleashing an army of dead wasps with a hunger for fresh souls and a particular craving for the Sowen children. Chris, Ashley and Andy soon learn it’s not death they should fear, but what comes after.

Later Fiends,


I like the premise of your story! IMHO I think the last two paragraphs should be at the top of your query letter.

Great job otherwise I'd read it!!

Hmmm, you are probably right. The first two graphs are essential to the story, but they don't sell the story. Thanks, Jenn, as always.

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